- Off Beat Humor - Irish Girl Sunbathing...
- I'm no doctor, but.....
- Plumbers Crack Camouflage.....
- Single Women's Plan to wear a dress AND have to shave....
- Joke Of The Day - Words can never describe this true-hearted deer hunter!
- Off Beat Religious Humor - And Sexist...
- Red Wine...I enjoy for health reasons...
- Sexist Humor - The Wife's First Hunt ....
Jun 14, 2018
Jun 12, 2018
AUSTRALIAN LETTER - I think the sender might have been upset!
This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister.
The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it couldn’t stop laughing!
Dear Mr Minister
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.
It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.
It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!
SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.
Jun 10, 2018
Joke Of The Day...Wanting to find out if both his wife and his mistress were being faithful to him...
Wanting to find out if both his wife and his mistress were being faithful to him, Gary decided to send them on the same cruise and question each one later about the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about people on the trip, casually inquiring about the passenger who was his mistress when she mentioned the woman.
"Oh, that woman slept with nearly every man on the ship!" his wife reported.
Unhappy with this information, Gary planned a rendezvous with his cheating mistress and decided to question her about the trip before confronting her with what he knew.
Once again, he carefully inquired about the woman who was his wife after ascertaining that they had met.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
Gary's spirits picked up. "Why do you say that?" he asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."
Jun 9, 2018
Joke Of The Day - One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and ....
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side
The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
Jun 7, 2018
An old man and a young man are travelling on the train. The young man asks: "Excuse me, what time is it?"
The old man does not answer.
"Excuse me, sir, what time is it?"
The old man keeps silent.
"Sir, I'm asking you what time is it. Why don't you answer?!"
The old man says: "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger.
If I answer you now, I'll have to invite you to my home. You're handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter.
You will both fall in love and you will want to get married.
Tell me, why would I need a son-in-law who can't even afford a watch?"
Jun 6, 2018
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Get lost!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money," and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure all over the hallway carpet. He continued, "And if this vacuum cleaner doesn't remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat what's left."
"Well," the old lady said, "I hope you've got a bloody good appetite, because the power got cut off this morning."
Jun 5, 2018
Joke Of The Day - An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives....
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives.
The Englishman"s wife steps up to the tee; and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God woman..! Why aren"t you wearing any knickers..?" Her husband demanded.
"Well, you don"t give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here"s 50 quid, go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next the Irishman"s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman..! You"ve no knickers -- why not..?"
She replies, "I can"t afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency woman, here's 20 quid, go and buy yourself some underwear..!"
Lastly, the Scotsman"s wife bends over.
The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Hoot, hoot mon, woman..! Why are ye nay wearing any knickers..?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough housekeepin" money ta be able ta afford any."
The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the sake of decency woman, here's a f*****' comb, tidy yurrrself up a bit. "